Wednesday, April 14, 2010
jokes that could make anyone's day or evening/night better...;)
There are many important and serious things in the world, but to cope with them anyone needs to laugh from time to time, don't you think so too?:
A cop stopped a driver who was driving with high speed, but as the driver had no money he offered to ask the cop a question and if the cop couldn't answer he would go without paying a cent. The cop said "OK", so the driver said: In which month a woman is most pregnant? The cop thought and thought, but couldn't remember and answer, so the driver told him in the ninth and left. But the cop said to himself: I've lost some money, but I'll use what I've learnt to gain some too... He went to one of his colleagues and asked him the same question, explaining if he couldn't answer he should pay him. The other one thought and thought but couldn't answer too, so the first cop said contentedly: It's in September, stupid!
A boy and a mother walk on the street on the way home and the boy asks her all the time "Buy me a bycicle, buy me a bycicle..." Finally the mother gets angry and says "Shut up and let's go home!" When they get home the boy says "let's play we are family, you'll be my wife I'll be the man of the house who's coming back from work and you are resting on the coach." "OK" sais the mother. After a while the boy comes dressed as his father, gave an angry look at his mother and shouts: "Why are you lying, silly bitch? Get up right now and buy our boy a bycicle!"...
A mother rabbit with her children saw a drunk hunter in the forest and said to her children: "Close your ears right now! Now the hunter won't hit us with his gun and he'll began to curse in such an awful way..."
Do you know what's more awful than an elephant in china shop? A hedgehog in a shop for condoms... An elephant ran away from the zoo, went to a garden and started eating cabbages. A woman who was the owner of the garden saw him and called the zoo right away: "Hello, there's a giant mouse in my garden, it grabs cabbages with her tail and don't ask me where it thrusts them after that..."
What is that TRUST? When two canibals make sex using pose 69...
While a falling star was falling a school-boy wasn't very sure what he had to wish, so in the next day he received a bike with bosoms...
In a class-room an inspector seats by a boy, while the young female teacher drops her piece of chalk, bends that way her ass is seen, then stands up and asks nodding toward the black board: "What do we see hear?" The boy sitting next to the inspector says right away: "One cool ass!" The teacher tells him to leave the classroom immediately, but at the door the boy turns his head and asks the inspector: "Why you tell the answer when you don't know?..."
In the middle of a rainy night a young couple sleeping in their appartment heard a ringing at the door. The man got up, opened the door and saw a wet man who asked him: "Please, come to push me, my friend!" "Get lost!" said the man of the house and slammed the door. But his wife told him: "Shame on you! Remember a month ago when our car was out of order how a friendly man helped us?... Go and do the same for this poor guy!" The man got out of the appartment, and shouted out: "OK, I'll push you, where are you?" "I'm right here!" answered the wet guy. "On the kids' swing..."
The big bad wolf walked in the forest and looked around him fiercely, and a drunk rabbit saw him and began to annoy him: "I'll beat you black and blue, wolf, I'll tear you apart! Come closer, or you are a chicken?" The wolf gave a deep sigh: "If only my dentist didn't forbid me to eat anything for two hours, I would let you know what for..."
A kid saw his parents while they were having sex, and said to himself immediately: "Well, well, well! And these guys don't let me stick my fingers in my nose???"
2 cowboys saw a reward is given to anyone who brings a scapl of an Indian. Travelling in the prairie they saw an old, alone Indian, killed him and took his scalp. Then made a camp and spent the night there. In the morning one of them got out of their tent and saw their camp was surrounded by 100-200 hundreds Indians, all of them painted in the war colours, watching fiercely, holding many weapons... And the cowboy entered into the tent right away, kicked his friend and shouted: "Get up, John! We are rich..."
What a gypsi can do when one gives him a computer? He starts to search in the Recycle Bin...
A group of tourists in the mountain saw an eagle flew with a white sheep, put her in a herd of sheep and took a black one. Perplexed the tourists asked the sheperd what was going on. "Nothing unusual." said the sheperd. "We play chess with the eagle and this time he plays with the white figures..."
A man was at a party and as he was drunk he chose a girl and went to his house with her. But when they get there he became suspicious and asked her: "How old are you?" "13" said the girl. "Go home right now!" the man said frightened. "Well, well, how supersticious you are..." replied the girl.
A man had to punish his parrot because the bird was joking and had made a phone call and had ordered a ton of naphtha to be poured in his bathroom. So the man nailed him on the back of a Christ figure with Jesus on the other side. "You'll stay here for 2 weeks!" declared the man. After some time the parrot turned his head and asked Jesus: "Since when you stay here, dude?" "2000 years..." sighed Jesus. "WOW! What a quantity of naphtha you ordered!..."
An advertisement of the zoo: The Rhino from our zoo escaped!!! Please, if you see him, give two dollars to the lady at the entrance...
Hope these anecdotes could make anyone's day or evening look better?
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://allanbard.blogspot.com
A writer, healthy food consultant, massage therapist, who thinks there's nothing else like writing and reading of books! the best activity one could have, that's actually connected with everything else one could think of... It's not a job, it's way of life! ;) My 1st book has been published recently: Tale of The Rock Pieces, there are a lot of other books in my head that wait impatiently to be written: the Opposite Of Magic (almost ready), Kids'Funny Business, The Lord Of The Christ, lake Mystery, Parasites, Incredible Future, Space Ghosts, A Writer's Adventures, A Detective's Life, The Origin Of Gods, etc...