some jokes for the beginning of May ;)

Via Bill Koller: An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels .
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

New thief prisoner enters in his cell: “Why you put these bars on the windows?” the thief asks the warder. “Because of security…” answers the wader. “You are insane! Who will try to enter and steal something from the prison???

 

Via Mari Eta: Preparing for a hunt, a father took his son's cigarettes... Until afternoon, he had already shot a dragon, 3 mermaids and 2 trolls...

Plus a new thought from a book of mine: If we don't forget that the common & ordinary could be much more amazing, funnier or fantastic than the incredible dreams, then we won't be able to find out the real fantasy. My A Writer's Adventures.

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard,

www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

some jokes for the beginning of the week...:)

Hope my new dose of jokes will help many people start a good week :)

Via Georgi Chase: "Why can't you play games in the jungle?

Because there's always gonna be a cheetah.."

 A few priests complain to one another: "I have so  many rats in my church..." says the 1st. "I tried to chase them away with poison but it didn't work at all..."

"There are even more in my church too," sighs the 2nd. "I tried to set them on fire but they are still there..."

"Well, I tried your methods too," says the 3rd. "And when they didn't work either, I just made them my parishioners... So, now they are nowhere to be seen in my church..."

And some interesting facts some guys would consider funny, but I guess the 2nd one is scary too: Via Sanjay Shukla: FACT-FILE: Only 8% of the world's currency exists as physical cash, the rest is electronic....! FACT-FILE: The average billionaire spends $25 million a year on food and entertainment, enough to feed 70,000 hungry people for a year.....!!!  

The balance between good and evil in some people is destroyed to such an extent that they need to hate something or someone all the time. from my future Incredible Future.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

weekend jokes ...;)

Via Rose Smith: Two rednecks were looking at a
Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other,
'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive.
At this price, I'm buying one.'
The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful
as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later,
the youngest redneck asks his friend,
'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies......
'No, but it shouldn't be long now.
I got her clothes yesterday!'

Between sportsmen: "Why you didn't take your 1st place when you had to receive your medal after you won the competition?" "I'm afraid of heights..."

 What is the expression sharks love to hear from us, people? "Man over board..."

And my crazy quote/thought from a book of mine: Looking at the ground could be the best way to find the best things from the sky.... my Space Hide & Seek/Space Ghosts.

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

jokes after the middle of the week and before the weekend...;)

"We threw a lot of eggs at the politicians at the yesterday's meeting..."
"But I've heard there were a lot of applause?"
"That was only when the eggs hit them..."

When they asked some teachers to name three reasons why they like their job, they all answered: "June, July and August..."

"Now what's your excuse?" asked a teacher a schoolboy who was late for school again.
"I saw a lady who lost 100 $..."
"Oh, and you helped her to find them?"
"Not exactly... I stepped and stood on them until she left..."

What is trash for some people, maybe gold for others... from my future Incredible Future :). Have a nice rest of the week, everyone!

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

Happy April's Fool Day, everyone :)!

Happy April's Fool day, everyone! Hope your lies/pranks were/are/will be better and more than those of the other who try to lie and make a fun of you...:). Anyway, a few good jokes could make the day perfect even for the victims of the others' pranks and lies: 

THE POLISH DIVORCE -(Joke shared by Avinash Kamat)

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office
and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read English pretty good, and it say:

...POLISH REMOVER..!!

"Your weight is not compatible with your height" said a diet expert to a fat guy. "You see now," the fat guy said to his friends. "I'm tall, not fat!!!"

All the kids have imaginary friends, only those who train martial arts have imaginary enemies... from my future Kids' Funny Business, or Space Parasites.  

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard, myspace.com/ivan_allanbard, http://www.facebook.com/ivanstoikov.allanbard, ,

http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,