some jokes before Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, everyone! Best wishes!

Merry Christmas, everyone! Best of the best wishes! Hope some of these jokes/anecdotes could help for the good Christmas spirit :):

A kid told to his friend: "My father is a construction worker, every time when I tell him 2 + 2=4, I eat ice-cream!"
"Well," said the other kid. "My father is a waiter and every time when I tell him 2+2=4, I eat some slaps..."

Via Rose Smith:

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher was broken but she could not be there when the repairman came.
So she left a note on the door and the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill,
on the counter, and I will mail you the bill. Oh, and by the way don't worry about my bull dog.
He won't bother you, but whatever you do , do not under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!

The repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day. He discovers the biggest and
meanest looking Bull Dog he has ever seen, but just as she said, the dog lays there on the carpet
watching the repairman go about his business. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole
time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself
any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied:
"Get him, Spike!"

Always remember to follow your instructions, and have a good day.

From a letter to a famous cooking magazine: "Dear magazine! Thank you for your great recipe! I've changed the truffles with mashed potatoes and the lobsters with chopped sausages, but actually I liked your recipe for salad with lobsters and truffles very much!"

They say good boys go to heaven and bad boys wherever they want... What they don't mention is the reason for that is the difference between being bad and evil is as enormous as the difference between earth and sky... from my future Space Ghosts. 
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://allanbard.hit.bg,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08HTXf00CJ0, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmVW4-030Yc,
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com,www.allanbard.wordpress.com,
 http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov/121092637984053?sk=wall,

http://www.shelfari.com/allanbard,myspace.com/ivan_allanbard,

     

 

The Hobbit 2, The Desolation Of Smaug - a good reason to get a 3D TV...

"Welcome to the world of your childhood dreams!" This should be the greeting the agents/ushers in the movie saloons should say to all who go to see the 2nd part of one of the most famous fairy-tales...  And this greeting won’t be exaggerated as the movie is so magnificently well-made that one feels like a part of the fairy-tale itself...

Despite all the incredible, though extremely dangerous, adventures of the thirteen dwarves, the wise wizard and the young hobbit, the amazing special effects and the great costumes, the next part of the faity-tale would probably disappoint some of Tolkien’s fans when they find out it has little in common with the book. Yet, I guess when they see the amazing way the director and the other creators of the movie revived the story, they all would be in awe of all the dangers, well-developed dialogues, the incredible creatures, etc…

Contrary to the book, the new part of The Hobbit is not for kids again, even more than the 1^st An Unexpected Journey. It’s much darker and more serious than the fairy-tale written on paper, with some new characters that were not present in the book, with a lot of new scenes and events, which were just mentioned but not described in J. R. Tolkien masterpiece (like the meeting with Sauron’s spirit and his subordinates, the events that lead to Thorin’s nickname, etc). A lot of the well-known adventures are developed to such an extent that at moments one feels that it’s a totally new story. But all that is so well-combined with the rest of the movie it makes it worthy of more admiration.

The new characters (not mentioned in the book) are so well created that they all become an essential part of all the dangerous and incredible adventures. I bet even the author would like the excellent fighter, the she-elf Tauriel (the great-looking Evangelyn Lily, a star from Lost) and her impossible love with the dwarf Kily, the dreadful white orc Azog and his incredible strength and ability to endure the constant pain of the prosthesis stuck in his cut arm, etc... Not to mention the many battle scenes that are so well-created they are almost impossible to achive in real life.

When all these details are combined with the 3 D motion picture, the experience in the movie salons becomes a dream come true… After all those complains about 3 D effects that tire our eyes, I would say The Hobbit would be a good reason to buy a 3 D TV set. Watching such movies at home could be accompanied with some rests from time to time and we could enjoy all the magnificence of the genre without being afraid about our eyesight so much?

Finally, I would like to point out that both the parts of The Hobbit’s movies are not for kids. There are too many and too vicious battle scenes and merciless killings, so I guess a lot of the younger fans would have sleep trouble after 2,30 – 2,40 hours spent at the movie salon…   

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

           

The Dark Path, by Luke Romyn – a breath-taking story about a modern Apocalypse, the most horrible ancient cult, the deadliest assassin and the kindest “light bearer”.

Some people say: Bad luck often brings good luck, or: Only a thief could catch a thief, others that only light could destroy darkness… Yet, Luke Romyn’s book is certain prove about the truth in both sentences.

The modern story about the saving of a new messiah from an ancient and disgusting cult contains so many vivid descriptions of horrible killings, bloody scenes of mafia and assassins’ wars, hatred and will to destroy all the sacred and kind in life, that many readers would definetly have nightmares after turning over some of the pages. Many of them will be convinced that only the evil deeds would deal with the dreadful way of the murderers and their bosses to earn their living and satisfy their striving for power. Evil is the best tool against the horrors done by any bad characters and kings of the crime realm, they would say, pointing out that the most dreadful assasin was the one who actually saved the young messiah from his inevitable doom. Others would remember the glorious power of the good intentions, triumphing over the most powerful weapon of Satan and would claim there’s nothing that could beat the kind thoughts and wise decisions...

The breath-taking adventures of the messiah-kid and his protector, the ex-good cop and present dreadful assasin, are described by an excellent style. Usually, stories written in English have to contain short sentences, dividing those with more words to a couple of separate lines. Yet, that way the style changes and the events and thoughts described by an author become something different… Luke Romyn’s writing, however, has long enough sentences with all the necessary adjectives, verbs, descriptions, etc. to make his story more breath-taking, interesting, and even with some touch of the ancient fairy-tales, according to my opinion. His imagination is as good as his writing skills and I guess everyone would enjoy all the adventures of the main characters, trying to escape the dreadful chasers of the most evil cult and their many cunning traps.

However, The Dark Path is not just a new story about merciless killings and evil, religious fanatics’s plans. Amongst all the bloody scenes and supernatural creatures, the author included some amazing philosophy, revealing the importance to do good and what the world would look like with a real balance between all the nations. Because of the author’s way to reveal his thoughts and imagination, many, if not all, of the non-believers would reconsider their attitude towards Bible and religious teachings at the end of the book. I guess that, together with the great writing style, would make those who don’t like to read and prefer to watch movies based on books instead to become better book lovers. Besides, reading the story, everyone would discover the great experience to „see” and „feel” such details which could be hard to notice watching a movie, no matter what good special effects its creators included. The description of hell, for example, is so vivid and horribly awesome that it could send cold shivers even down the spines of the toughest readers and horror genre’s fans. For some others, it could turn out to be a mirror for their deepest and most dreadful fears… I guess a hell where the devil’s a woman could surpass the wildest fantasies or nightmares…

Despite the author’s breath-taking way to put to words the gripping adventures of his characters, some book-lovers would admit The Dark Path is naïve at some moments (though I would say that’s a part of its beauty too, aren’t we all at least a bit tired of all the “meaningful” reality?). They would probably add that the end is too sudden and incomplete (and that’s the only thing in the book I don’t like too), yet it seems it’s just the author’s way to make the “passage” to his next stories smooth enough…    

No matter how good Luke Romyn is at describing horrors and ever-lasting philosophy, his skills in humour and jokes are amazing too. His facebook page and site are full of evidences for that: https://www.facebook.com/luke.romyn?fref=ts. Though the author prefers to write dreadful mysteries like The Dark Path, I guess if more people ask him to combine his funny thoughts in a story or two (or include them in some of his other works), he would create some new, even more amazing books, with a perfect balance between fun and seriousness. Good luck in the future, my fb friend, Luke Romyn! Let the wonderful noise of the sea always sounds in your ears! (as my water dragons' hunters would greet).  

 

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

  

       

some jokes for the weekend ;)...

In Bulgaria they say you cannot carry 2 water melons under one armpit (sorry, can't remember the English version :). Yet, as some of my characters say: If we use all the opportunities, then even the laws of nature wouldn't be an obstacle... That's why I guess even in the most tense times (as happened to me recently, so I could not post regularly at my blog/s) one could find a solution to fulfill his/her tasks... Hope some of these jokes/anecdotes I will re post will make anyone's weekend better :): 

via Rose Smith: The Toughest Man In The Bar.A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says Nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says...

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk." 

 

Via Rose Smith: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Via Rose Smith: A husband and wife are having dinner at a fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress.""Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.

 

  If the morning is wiser than the evening, then an evening could be funnier, crazier, much more interesting, much more magnificent, way more awesome or glorious than any morning hour, minute moment, or second... from my future Space Hide & Seek.

 

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/,

www.allanbard.wordpress.com

 

jokes for the beginning of the new week and the end of the weekend :)

Some of the bad consequences of being too busy with many different errands is that one could hardly post at his/her blog... Yet, there is always a light in the end of tunnel - to deal with every task/errnad seems not so hard at moments, if only we organize our time well :)....

Two passengers are traveling in a train and the one looks at the other from top to toe. Finally, he says:
"It seems, you look just like my wife, if I just ignore the mustache..."
"But I don't wear a mustache?" says the other.
"Yes, you don't... But my wife wears one..."

Via Joe O’Connell: a little boy in the drugstore with his dad, suddenly creates a fuss, he wants a chocolate Easter Bunny. finally his father gives him one but the boy has a temper storm. he wants a male Easter bunny. the druggist and the father try to tell the boy it doesn't make any difference, with that the boy holds up his little finger, and says there's that much more chocolate...

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's asshole.

 

Evolution could be a crazy thing sometimes - it could create people who could be so narrow-minded to like and love only one book, movie, idea, song... from my future Space Ghosts.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

some jokes for the beginning of the week...:)

Hope my new dose of jokes will help many people start a good week :)

Via Georgi Chase: "Why can't you play games in the jungle?

Because there's always gonna be a cheetah.."

 A few priests complain to one another: "I have so  many rats in my church..." says the 1st. "I tried to chase them away with poison but it didn't work at all..."

"There are even more in my church too," sighs the 2nd. "I tried to set them on fire but they are still there..."

"Well, I tried your methods too," says the 3rd. "And when they didn't work either, I just made them my parishioners... So, now they are nowhere to be seen in my church..."

And some interesting facts some guys would consider funny, but I guess the 2nd one is scary too: Via Sanjay Shukla: FACT-FILE: Only 8% of the world's currency exists as physical cash, the rest is electronic....! FACT-FILE: The average billionaire spends $25 million a year on food and entertainment, enough to feed 70,000 hungry people for a year.....!!!  

The balance between good and evil in some people is destroyed to such an extent that they need to hate something or someone all the time. from my future Incredible Future.

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard

The Rocks Of Belogradchik - one of the wonders of the world.

There are amazing sights all over the world, so a small country like Bulgaria is no exception. The many photos of the rocks of Belogradtchik (in the north-west part of my country) are certain prove of that “rule”. I guess they are wondrous enough to be in the list with the greatest sights on Earth.

Unfortunately, they were not chosen to be amongst the new eighth wonders of the world, though it seems they were good enough to be under the protection of UNESCO after the voting for the new list of wonders was over. I hope all the people who could see and feel the beauty and magnificence in all the forms of nature would be glad these rocks will be kept safe for the future generations too. For more info about them have a look at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belogradchik_Rocks.

Actually, the weather was really bad for the spring time of the year the last time when I visited the amazing rocks with a good friend of mine. The entire place was covered with a thin layer of snow and there was fog (too thick at some spots) everywhere. Yet, that way some of my photos have the amazingly mysterious look of the ancient fairy-tales or myths and real historical events… That’s why I couldn’t refrain from posting them, as one could rarely see the magnificence and mysteriousness of the rocks while they were covered with fog and snow… More of them will appear soon at my flickr, facebook, pinterest profiles too.
  

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allanbard/

                

weekend jokes ...;)

Via Rose Smith: Two rednecks were looking at a
Sears catalog and admiring the models. One says to the other,
'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive.
At this price, I'm buying one.'
The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful
as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later,
the youngest redneck asks his friend,
'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies......
'No, but it shouldn't be long now.
I got her clothes yesterday!'

Between sportsmen: "Why you didn't take your 1st place when you had to receive your medal after you won the competition?" "I'm afraid of heights..."

 What is the expression sharks love to hear from us, people? "Man over board..."

And my crazy quote/thought from a book of mine: Looking at the ground could be the best way to find the best things from the sky.... my Space Hide & Seek/Space Ghosts.

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

Some interesting & important facts about animals and plants.

One of the basic rules of articles/posts/notes’ writing is that no author should write that way so that the potential readers would feel stupid and incompetent. Probably some people would be offended by this post/note of mine (if it shows their ignorance), but I hope even they would agree such info could help anyone to discover the wonders of our world, to correct some mistakes many of us do all the time, to change our opinion about the “nasty” or “scary” creatures we come across every day. Being graduated in biology, I couldn’t refrain from posting some of these facts, in brief (I use many similar in some of my books too):

Plants are living beings, so they do breathe as all the animals, though they “inhale” oxygen mostly in the daytime, and “exhale” carbon dioxide in the night.

Chickens are the most common birds in the world, not pigeons or sparrows, we could find them on almost every continent, not in the coldest places only.

Whales and dolphins are not fish, they are mammals and breathe air like every other terrestrial beings. The easiest way to distinguish such sea mammals from fish would be to have a look at their tails. All the modern sea mammals have horizontal tails, which are a perfect tool to dive and come out to the surface to breathe air. Fish’s tails are vertical.

To cut a worm in two pieces doesn’t make two worms, though the creature regenerates. The part with the end regenerates an end where it is cut, so soon after that it could not do all the vital things which keep it alive.

Just because crocodiles live most of the time in water doesn’t make them amphibians. They are reptiles, terrestrial beings that like water. The best way to find out which element of nature is primal for any species is to see where that species breed (so, crocodiles are terrestrial, frogs are amphibian).

Spiders are not insects, thought they are close-related. Insects are at a higher state of evolution, they have 6 legs, spiders have 8.

Birds hate to be touched and caressed, as that way we usually ruffle their feathers (it takes a lot of time to set them right, it seems). Yet, they all like to be touched and caressed on the head, there and then the feeling is similar to the one they feel when they scratch their heads with their claws.

 Plesiosaurs and pterodactyls are not dinosaurs, they belong to different groups, which are close to that of dinosaurs, yet not exactly the same.

The adult moths don’t eat our clothes, they don’t have a mouth or any digestive tract, their larvae are the ones who we have to blame…

All the mosquitoes that bite us and carry all those awful deceases are females; males eat nectar from flowers… etc.

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,   

jokes after the middle of the week and before the weekend...;)

"We threw a lot of eggs at the politicians at the yesterday's meeting..."
"But I've heard there were a lot of applause?"
"That was only when the eggs hit them..."

When they asked some teachers to name three reasons why they like their job, they all answered: "June, July and August..."

"Now what's your excuse?" asked a teacher a schoolboy who was late for school again.
"I saw a lady who lost 100 $..."
"Oh, and you helped her to find them?"
"Not exactly... I stepped and stood on them until she left..."

What is trash for some people, maybe gold for others... from my future Incredible Future :). Have a nice rest of the week, everyone!

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4159102-ivan-stoikov-allan-bard, www.shelfari.com/allanbard,