Wednesday, June 27, 2012

middle of the week's jokes...;)

Conversation between two businessmen:
"My employees haven't been asking for raise of the salaries for two years... I wonder how they cheat me?..."

Graveyard is the only place where a little girl in a white dress and a doll could scare anyone more than a drunkard with a bat...

How can we start small business? It's quite easy, buy a big one and just wait...

As today some of my good friends (all over the world ;) have birthdays, I couldn't refrain from posting an excerpt from a future book of mine: There's a rumour (according to one of my books) the birthday cake's candles should be lighted by a dragon, so that one's good wishes could become true... But I hope my greeting card will save anyone the trouble to look for such a dangerous creature...;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all who celebrate! Wish you all the best!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

The best way to read a book.



“If you read 100 pages a day, you are not reading at all”
“Using a pencil while reading a book to underline the important passages, is essential for the good assimilation/understanding of the story.”
“The discussion with other fans after reading a book is as important as the skill to read.”
These and some other interesting thoughts I’ve heard over the years spring up in my mind, when the matter at hand is the better ways to read. I guess there are so many of them as there are readers in the world. Some of these suggestions are preferred by many much more than others, though according to my opinion there’s something good and worthy of trying in any of the various ways to read. For example, nothing else could compare with the thoughts and discussions that could appear after reading a book in a company of like-minded (or not so like-minded) people or friends. Or when we are listening to music that’s not loud but is suitable for the book we are reading, or when we read in good surroundings like in the middle of a forest glade surrounded by beautiful flowers, nice animals, quiet whisper of a small stream, etc. I guess many readers would agree that reading at the beach of a calm sea/ocean could be even better?
Probably not all the readers would consider modern technologies as an essential part of the better ways to read (many people cannot handle laptops, e-readers very well, or their eyes tire too much after staring at the LCD screens for a long time), but the reading devices of today could really bring “fresh air” in the wonderful experience called reading. E-readers and laptops are the easiest solution for the problem to carry many books (or even a whole library) anywhere we’d like. And the weight of these amazing devices is from 200-300 g to a couple of kilograms! Using them, we could read a few books at the same time with very little efforts (I mean we could re-read some important parts of other books, while reading a similar story, or start reading another different book, if we are not in a mood to finish the one we are reading at the particular moment, etc). Besides, it’s not a problem at all to make some suitable playlists with the appropriate music for the book we are reading, with some of these devices we could use Internet to search for some important and interesting info that’s connected with the story we read and at no time at that, making our reading even more amazing and “educational”, etc.
As in some other posts/notes of mine, I must underline that I’m not the ultimate expert (in anything ;), so I guess many others could share much better reading experience and ways to read?  


http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,
http:// www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

Friday, June 15, 2012

some jokes for the weekend...;)

A kangaroo went to a bar and ordered a glass of gin with tonic. The bartender was really surprised and wanted to talk with the animal: "We don't see many kangaroos around..."
"How can you expect to see even one?" replies the kangaroo. "A glass of gin with tonic cost 20 $ here!!!"

Entering in a bar, a sheriff orders a glass of whiskey with Swedish cheese. Looking at the cheese, he frowns and says to the bartender: "John, if there will be another firing in your bar, I'll close it..."

A father says to his son: "And remember, my boy, all the mushrooms are dangerous!"
"What about field mushrooms, dad?"
"Out of question! Picking them I met your mother..."

And a crazy thought from a future book of mine: The best way to know whether you still have the child in you is the feeling of disgust when taste strong drinks as an adult... my Space Hide & Seek.


 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,
http:// www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Thursday jokes ;) not too good for kids...

A wife could do three things from nothing: a dress, a salad and an argument in the family... John Barymore.

A buyer is asking the seller: "Are there some additional safety devices in the car?"
"Yes, there two condoms in the emergency box..."

Commision: it is twelve people who do the work of one. J. Kenedy

"Do you know how cunning my mice are?"
"???"
"They make fun of the cat every day - when there's an opportunity, they smear the cheese in the mouse trap with vallium..."

If your greatest anger is followed by your greatest regret and remorse, then it's a good sign you could achive a good inner balance... from my future Space Ghosts.


http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ijJl-6Be88, www.allanbard.blogspot.com,
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=263533&id=100000137216974#!/video/video.php?v=1297361605743

Monday, May 28, 2012

Some jokes to begin the week with...;)

A kid is telling his friends what a great time they had in the zoo with his family:
"We saw all the animals, but the best was the tiger! He was walking like a king and from time to time came to the bars of the cage and made "PHHHHHHH..."
"Nonsense! Tigers make "ROAR" not "PHHHHH"?
"Yes," said the narrating kid. "But that is when he's with the muzzle towards you..."

A professor during his lecture: "Wake up the colleague beside you, please..."
"You wake him up, professor," replies the student. "You put him to sleep..."

A blonde woman threw a clock out of the window. When they asked her why, she said: "I want to see how the time flies..."

Impulse is when a man gives a woman flowers. But when a woman moans in the phone, it is 12 impulses a minute...

And a thought from my stories: Wishing everyone best wishes could lead to a lot of frustration and trouble... As then the good wishes of the good people and the bad of the bad guys will destroy one another and everything will remain the same... from my future Space Hide&Seek. Have a great week, everyone, nevertheless :)!

http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Some advices for new authors...


It is a well-known fact that men are extremely inventive and horrible at the same time. There are many shrewd ways to steal and cheat some of the criminals use. Some of them are so skillful that could get round any law. There’s no exception it seems for any kind of business, branch and job. Including publishing, of course…
I cannot say I am the ultimate expert in all the good and bad sides of the long and hard process of books’ birth. Yet, my experience could save any new author a lot of anger, money or frustration. If you’ve written a book and are desperately trying to find a publisher, you’ll definitely come across some “ladies” and “gentlemen” who will “like” your manuscript so much that they will immediately offer you their services of “literary agents”. But when you agree to sign a contract, it will “turn out” that your nice work needs a lot of “editing”… Then, an offer will follow to edit your book in exchange of some money (not too much, compared to other similar but real services), so that it could be really “ready” for the market.
These guys will just take/steal your money and do nothing of their real job, searching and finding a publisher and then earning their percentage of the sold books (about 10 % usually). They will not just steal your money (after their “editing” your manuscript won’t be ready for the market), but your time too. As while they are lying to you that they are editing your work and after that are offering it to many publishers, you could search for and find some real offers from real literary agents and publishers…
I know I shouldn’t post anything offensive for anyone (and use no bad/foul language, though in this case I would really like to), yet I have to share my personal experience with such a lady. A few years ago, Jillanne Kimble, the so called “literary agent”, offered me to represent one of my books (Tale Of The Rock Pieces), but insisted that she had to edit it first, in exchange of some money, of course. As I’m not a native American or Englishman, I knew my work was not perfect, so I signed a contract for editing and then representing of my book with this “lady”… It was a big mistake… Then, I had to wait for nine months to finally receive an “edited” copy of my manuscript and to be really surprised to see that Mrs. Kimble had just put some commas and altered a couple (literally) of words. When I asked her (so many times) what was happening with representing of my work to publishers, she sent a response that so far no one was interested in my book. Then, when I asked her to let me know to which exactly publishers she was offering my manuscript, she just sent and answer: “They are a lot…” Well, finally I realized I was cheated in the most shameless way. I found some good sites with good, useful tips for authors, like writersbeware.org/com and talked to some friends all over the world who were more experienced than me in such matters and send an e-mail to my “literary agent” to let her know that we must put an end to our deal as she was not doing anything of her obligations…
Be aware of such persons, dear authors! If you need editing, use the services of editors, not “literary agents” who try to cheat you and just steal your money, though everything will seem legal. Or try to learn to write better, following grammatical rules, proper punctuation, etc, so that you won’t need any editing, though it seems a really hard task… 
http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew,

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/ivanstoikov.allanbard, http:// www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

                  

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Wednesday jokes...;)

Don’t you think that the jokes teenagers/kids tell are amongst the best :) ? Like:
What’s that which is small, white, has something red in front, flies and clangs?… A snow-flake in menstrual period that’s going to throw some bottles in the garbage…
Have you seen a flying elephant? NO? How can you see it when it flies high…
A youngster went to a famous businessman and said: “I have a great deal for you, Sir! I know how you could earn 300 000 $!”
“Well, let me know then…”
“Do you remember that you offered 600 000 $ to the one who will marry your daughter?”
“Yes, so?”
“Well, I’ll do it just for 300 000 $…”

“I spent 300 $ in the fitness, last week…” said a man to his friend.
“So much? Probably you sleep there and train in the night too?”
“No, it’s just they have so expensive bar…”

And as some of my characters say: Money are amongst the last things that make people rich…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08HTXf00CJ0, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmVW4-030Yc
http://www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com,